As a self appointed “Defender of Caregivers!” I am writing this Blog as yet another example of the “Caregivers Dilemma!” where the Caregiver Personality-type runs head on into Cognitive Distortions (known and commonly used thinking and coping processes that can lead us into depressive and self-destructive thoughts).

In this example we discuss PERSONALIZATION, where, you see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which in fact you were not primarily responsible for causing.  As always, thanks and HONOR to Dr. David Burns, MD, author of “Feeling Good!” for teaching me about Cognitive Distortions.

Recently I read an articled entitled…”The Patient I Failed!” written by a nurse caring for a dying patient who’s Advanced Directives had not been followed and how it broke the nurse’s heart… here is an excerpt (WARNING:  this is powerful stuff!)

>>>  Suctioning improved her lung function, but would make her body tremble. Over the next 2 nights, she slowly died, all while the daughter demanded more interventions, and maintained that her mother wanted to be a full code. We had read the Living Will. We knew better.

“Thank you in advance for helping me in the last moments of my life
to have a gentle, peaceful passing.”

She had another stroke, and went back to the ICU, where she was coded until there was not enough surviving heart tissue to maintain a beat. Finally her heart was broken.

And so was mine. <<<

I warned you… powerful stuff indeed… but here is the issue AND the COGNITIVE DISTORTION.  The title of this article, “The Patient I Failed!” is an extreme example of PERSONALIZATION.  The nurse that wrote this article is taking (or at least sharing) responsibility for the failure to HONOR this patients dying wishes!  This is preposterous… this nurse was charged with the responsibility to care for this patient.  She was nowhere near, around, aware of, OR PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE for; the decision to prolong the life of this patient.

This Caregiver provided excellent, compassionate care under emotionally charged and difficult circumstances and instead of “Feeling Good!” she feels responsible for something she had nothing to do with… the Cognitive Distortion PERSONALIZATION is at play here…

Instead of feeling badly, or worse, responsible for this situation, this nurse should have had HONOR for the role she played in bringing compassion to this suffering soul!

When I shared this article on Facebook with my group at “Defender of Caregivers!” I had several say, “I’m sorry!” after reading the article.  Example number 2 of PERSONALIZATION… what are they sorry for?  Saying you are sorry for something you had nothing to do with is to subconsciously take a small piece  of responsibility for the circumstances..  To read more about this and find a link to this article visit “Defender of Caregivers!” on Facebook or follow this link:

http://www.facebook.com/#!/posted.php?id=160274043913&share_id=114906645210750&comments=1#s114906645210750

In closing; PLEASE don’t take responsibility for things you had nothing to do with!

HONOR yourself as you care for others!

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Lon is proud to announce “Defending the Caregiver!” in a new format as a one-man play, a Dramedy (dramatic-comedy), celebrating, “The Caregiver!”

NOW APPROVED BY THE ANCC FOR FOUR CREDIT HOURS

To learn more visit: www.DefendingTheCaregiver.com

(COMING MAY 2010)

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Lon Kieffer, author of “Get Out of Bed and Go to Work!”, Speaker, Consultant, Expert on Workplace Culture Change and Generational Conflicts, gives seminars, keynote and plenary addresses, runs annual sales meetings, and provides Common Sense Consulting at:  www.LonKieffer.com. He can be reached at:  (302) 462-6748 on Facebook or via email at:  Lon@LonKieffer.com