A friend was moving, and asked if I would help.

I quickly said yes- too quickly as it turned out. By the tenth box of heavy books I’d packed and carried to the front porch, I realized what was wrong.

It wasn’t my aching back or stuffed sinuses; it was the resentment gnawing at me. This move had taken me away from some important family matters, and now I was angry and irritated at myself for having agreed to help.  

What good was my help if it turned my giving in to martyrdom? Why do I sometimes say yes when I want to say no? Wasn’t there some way to strike a balance between my own needs and those of others? (This is a common plight of Caregivers!)

Here are some tips on how to become a “Glad-Caregiver!” 

1. Give yourself time to make the right decision.  My son John (Note: My son’s name is Stephen, this Blog is based on an article by Marilyn Morgan Helleberg; credits to follow) is an automotive technician, and when his friends ask him to fix their cars on his days off, I often hear him say, “I need to see what my weekend is like before I say for sure.” John is always generous with his help, but he’s honest about making sure that it fits into his schedule. Now, when someone asks me to take on an extra job, I’ve learned from John to ask first if I can think about it. Before saying yes in the enthusiasm of the moment, I consider my choice.

2. Then “let your yes be yes and your no be no”   A few years ago I was asked to be a chaperone at a youth group’s dance. “Not this month,” I said. “Maybe some other time.” The truth was that loud music always gives me a splitting headache. Even so, trying to soften my no, I’d left the door wide open for them to ask me again. The next time they called I felt I had to do it, no matter the headache. Now I try to make my “no” clear from the start, and then see if I can do something else-say, write the group’s newsletter in the peace and quiet of home.

3. Be specific about when. A couple of months ago a friend needed help steaming off her wallpaper. Gladly I offered to give her a hand “from one o’clock to four.” What a time we had taking off the ugly red roses, candy stripes, the strawberries and then the green-and-yellow plaid. At four o’clock I stopped, so I was fresh enough to volunteer the next day-when we got down to the purple orchids. Being clear about my time commitment, I knew I had time to do other chores.

4. Stay self-centered. I’ve found that when I’m solidly grounded and taking care of myself before trying to care for other’s I’m in a better position to make decisions about those things I should do and those that would be better accomplished by someone else. I remember what my specific talents are (I’m a good teacher and leader) and what they aren’t (I’m all thumbs with a hammer and nails). Centered spiritually, I can serve others more generously.

 

These guide-lines can make you a more effective helper; a more gracious and “Glad” Caregiver.

 

NOTE:  “How to become a Glad Giver” was originally written by Marilyn Morgan Helleberg and shared by reader and friend Denise Bunch who thought the message was meaningful for Caregivers…. I agree!

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Lon Kieffer is proud to announce the re-launch and re-vitalization of an old program; ‘Defending the Caregiver!” in a new format.  A one-man play, a Dramedy (comedic drama), celebrating, “The Caregiver!”  To learn more visit:  www.DefendingTheCaregiver.com

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Lon Kieffer, author of “Get Out of Bed and Go to Work!”, Speaker, Consultant, Expert on Workplace Culture Change and Generational Conflicts, gives seminars, keynote and plenary addresses, runs annual sales meetings, and provides Common Sense Consulting at:  www.LonKieffer.com. He can be reached at:  (302) 462-6748 on Facebook or via email at:  Lon@LonKieffer.com