Lon Kieffer

Don’t Try TOO Hard!

lonkieffer — Tue, 16 Nov 2010 15:09:39 +0000

On Veterans Day last week I went to a local Nursing Home to thank some Vets for their service to our country.

What a gracious and humble bunch of men and women! I am always surprised at how many women served “back in the day.”

I approached one gentleman sitting in his room fiddling with a TV remote control the size of a computer keyboard and said, “Mr. D, I wanted to thank you for your service to our country.”

He said, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a long time ago. Right now son, that’s what matters. Right now this Damn thing won’t work!” He waived the remote in the air, pointed it at the TV and pressed the button for emphasis.

This was a classic scene!

Imagine Ebenezer Scrooge in the 21^st Century. I mean it was perfect; his voice, his appearance, everything was a living, breathing caricature… a “grumpy old man” sitting alone in his room arguing with his remote control.

I hate to admit it but part of me dismissed him a little bit; I had come to pay my respects but now a part of me viewed him as vulnerable… someone that needed something other than my respect.

I made it my mission to fix his remote control. I went back and forth from his room to the computer kiosk to search the internet for the manufacturers manual; I got the codes, went back to his room. TV on/off, try again.. on and on… The whole while with him saying, “what are you doing now. There, you got it… what? Wait a minute. What’cha doin’ now? No. Yes… That’s it… oh boy!” and finally… Victory!

I handed him his newly re-programmed remote and said, “Happy now?”

He said, “What’s happy got to do with it? I was happy ten minutes ago when you turned the damn TV off! Then you kept messing with it… on/off, on/off… sometimes you folks try to damn hard! You don’t know when you’ve already won!”

Wow!

I realized this was the time to truly pay my respects; this “grumpy old man” was wise beyond my imagination.

I had dismissed him even while trying to respect him!

Only to realize that he taught me several things about helping others… SOMETIMES WE TRY TOO HARD!

Here are three other lessons:

1. When you under-estimate people you might over-estimate their needs.

2. Small things done quickly often matter more than bigger things done over time.

3. No need to press lots of buttons (to turn something off or on); just the right button.

Leadership Lesson: It’s not your job to make people happy all of the time or over time (in fact; it’s impossible… people must make themselves happy); if you simply help people in the moment you will have helped them on their way to happiness (or wherever it is they are going).

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Lon is proud to announce “Defending the Caregiver!” in a new format as a one-man play, a Dramedy (dramatic-comedy), celebrating, “The Caregiver!”

NOW APPROVED BY THE ANCC FOR FOUR CREDIT HOURS

To learn more visit: www.DefendingTheCaregiver.com

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Lon Kieffer, author of “Get Out of Bed and Go to Work!”, Speaker, Consultant, Expert on Workplace Culture Change and Generational Conflicts, gives seminars, keynote and plenary addresses, runs annual sales meetings, and provides Common Sense Consulting at: www.LonKieffer.com. He can be reached at: (302) 462-6748 on Facebook or via email at: Lon@LonKieffer.com

Wake Up and Serve!

lonkieffer — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 14:52:14 +0000

My daughter wakes up cranky every morning!

This would bother me except that, much like my advice that, “before you criticize the next generation remember who trained (or raised) them” I must admit that I am not exactly chipper when my feet hit the floor in the morning.

This morning I was sitting in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee when my daughter stumbled in a bleary eyed daze around the corner. “Hey babe,” I said, “can you pour me a cup of coffee?”

She said, “Dad, I just woke up!” and stormed off to the bathroom.

I hollered after her, “Yeah, it must be rough to have to wait on someone first thing in the morning!” This was in sarcastic reference to the last seventeen years during which I have waited on her every need in the morning by producing for her a made-to-order hot breakfast.

My daughter returned with toothbrush in hand to say; “Daddy, you wake up much earlier than I do… by the time I get up you are ready to serve!”

So, as I drank my coffee and she ate her cream cheese, green pepper and onion omelet the following three lessons occurred to me:

You must…

… get up early to serve others.
… examine yourself before judging others.
… HONOR yourself and Respect Your Others!

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Lon is proud to announce his program “When Generations Collide… Respect Your Others!” NOW HAS ANCC APPROVAL for Continuing Education for Nurses.

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So… You Are a Caregiver AND a Complete Genius!

lonkieffer — Thu, 27 May 2010 17:52:18 +0000

While meandering through a bookstore, I discovered a wealth of books for dummies and idiots. You have probably seen the many volumes directed at stupid people, such as Computers for Dummies and Complete Idiot’s Guide to Dating. I even saw Complete Idiot’s Guide to Near-Death Experiences! There are hundreds of titles in each of these very popular series, and the number is growing rapidly.

I was struck by how readily we identify ourselves as dummies and idiots. Obviously we think we are stupid, and these books will help. I wonder what would happen if I published a similar series for geniuses, such as Golf for Sages or The Complete Genius’s Guide to Home Repair. I have a hunch they wouldn’t sell very well at all. Not because we are not geniuses. Because we have been trained to regard ourselves as stupid.

When I was little, I sat on my front porch one morning and sang several rousing verses of “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.” A few days later I overheard my mother casually tell someone, “Alan has a foghorn voice.” That idea made an impression on me, and I did not sing for many years. After all (at that age), your mother knows everything, and if she said I couldn’t sing, I couldn’t sing.

Perhaps you had a similar experience. Perhaps early in life you adopted a thought about yourself that defined you as small, ugly, incapable, or unlovable. Most of us did. And perhaps you went on to live as if that identity was true. And perhaps, like many, you collected a pool of tears in your heart and went through life hurting because you wished you could be more.

You are more. The genius you were born as, still lives, and can be reactivated at any moment. Genius is your reality and the dark programming is your adopted personality. When Abraham (through Esther Hicks) was challenged, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” Abraham answered, “You have no idea what an old dog you are!” Who you were before you learned self-defeating tricks, is still very much available and eager to come forth and shine.

There is a story in the annals of education about an elementary school teacher who arrived on the first day of school and perused her class roster. Next to each child’s name was the number of a very high I.Q. “126, 135, 140,” Miss Everett read aloud, eyebrows raised. “Thank goodness I finally got a bright class!”

Miss Everett went on to stimulate the loftiest abilities in her wiz-kids. She gave them challenging projects, took them on field trips, and offered them leeway to explore their work in creative ways. At the end of the semester all the students earned A’s and B’s. The day after report cards came out, the principal called her into his office and asked, “Miss Everett, what did you do with these kids?”

“What do you mean?” she asked innocently.

“You took some of the lowest-functioning students in the school and turned them into geniuses!”

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about,” the teacher replied. “These kids were bright when I got them. Here, just look at their I.Q.’s in my roll book.”

The principal scanned her roster and replied, astonished, “Miss Everett, these are their locker numbers!”

The people around us tend to become who we think they are, so let us focus on the highest in everyone we meet.

Renowned success teacher Dale Carnegie, author of the most popular self-help book of all time, How to Win Friends & Influence People, began his career in an unexpected way. One night while teaching an adult school English course, he ran out of lecture material before the class time was up. So he invited several students to each stand before the class and talk about him - or herself - an exercise utterly unheard of at that time. The results were extraordinary! The speakers came to life in a way he had not seen when they were studying English, and the class responded energetically. Mr. Carnegie had happened upon the transformational power of authentic self-expression, which ultimately revolutionized (perhaps even created) the genre of personal development. Later he wrote, “Give them a reputation to live up to!”

The words “genius” and “genuine” are almost identical, and they proceed from the same Latin root word. The key to genius is genuineness. The more you are who you are, the more your genius comes forth. On the other hand, the more you sell out and try to be what you think you should be or live up to others’ expectations, the more you stifle your brilliance. Most great scientists, inventors, musicians, and artists, are somewhat eccentric. They have the guts to be all of what they are, even if the package doesn’t fit the social mold. They just let all of their talents rip, and in so doing they change the world for the better.

Here’s to your genuine genius. I’ll look for your book in the store.

NOTE: This article was written by Alan Cohen at www.AlanCohen.com

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Lon is proud to announce “Defending the Caregiver!” in a new format as a one-man play, a Dramedy (dramatic-comedy), celebrating, “The Caregiver!”

NOW APPROVED BY THE ANCC FOR FOUR CREDIT HOURS

To learn more visit: www.DefendingTheCaregiver.com

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Personalization: “The Patient I Failed!”

lonkieffer — Wed, 05 May 2010 12:32:18 +0000

As a self appointed “Defender of Caregivers!” I am writing this Blog as yet another example of the “Caregivers Dilemma!” where the Caregiver Personality-type runs head on into Cognitive Distortions (known and commonly used thinking and coping processes that can lead us into depressive and self-destructive thoughts).

In this example we discuss PERSONALIZATION, where, you see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which in fact you were not primarily responsible for causing. As always, thanks and HONOR to Dr. David Burns, MD, author of “Feeling Good!” for teaching me about Cognitive Distortions.

Recently I read an articled entitled…”The Patient I Failed!” written by a nurse caring for a dying patient who’s Advanced Directives had not been followed and how it broke the nurse’s heart… here is an excerpt (WARNING: this is powerful stuff!)

>>> Suctioning improved her lung function, but would make her body tremble. Over the next 2 nights, she slowly died, all while the daughter demanded more interventions, and maintained that her mother wanted to be a full code. We had read the Living Will. We knew better.

“Thank you in advance for helping me in the last moments of my life
to have a gentle, peaceful passing.”

She had another stroke, and went back to the ICU, where she was coded until there was not enough surviving heart tissue to maintain a beat. Finally her heart was broken.

And so was mine. <<<

I warned you… powerful stuff indeed… but here is the issue AND the COGNITIVE DISTORTION. The title of this article, “The Patient I Failed!” is an extreme example of PERSONALIZATION. The nurse that wrote this article is taking (or at least sharing) responsibility for the failure to HONOR this patients dying wishes! This is preposterous… this nurse was charged with the responsibility to care for this patient. She was nowhere near, around, aware of, OR PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE for; the decision to prolong the life of this patient.

This Caregiver provided excellent, compassionate care under emotionally charged and difficult circumstances and instead of “Feeling Good!” she feels responsible for something she had nothing to do with… the Cognitive Distortion PERSONALIZATION is at play here…

Instead of feeling badly, or worse, responsible for this situation, this nurse should have had HONOR for the role she played in bringing compassion to this suffering soul!

When I shared this article on Facebook with my group at “Defender of Caregivers!” I had several say, “I’m sorry!” after reading the article. Example number 2 of PERSONALIZATION… what are they sorry for? Saying you are sorry for something you had nothing to do with is to subconsciously take a small piece of responsibility for the circumstances.. To read more about this and find a link to this article visit “Defender of Caregivers!” on Facebook or follow this link:

http://www.facebook.com/#!/posted.php?id=160274043913&share_id=114906645210750&comments=1#s114906645210750

In closing; PLEASE don’t take responsibility for things you had nothing to do with!

HONOR yourself as you care for others!

* * *

Lon is proud to announce “Defending the Caregiver!” in a new format as a one-man play, a Dramedy (dramatic-comedy), celebrating, “The Caregiver!”

NOW APPROVED BY THE ANCC FOR FOUR CREDIT HOURS

To learn more visit: www.DefendingTheCaregiver.com

(COMING MAY 2010)

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My New “Closed Door” Policy!

lonkieffer — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 13:15:36 +0000

I recently attended a management conference where I heard Bob Murphy of the Studer Group speak on, among other things, the benefits of ROUNDING and how to do it more effectively.

The old days of “Management by Walking Around” and “Open Door Policy” have met their match with Bob Murphy! This guy won’t allow us to rely on these passive measures anymore… he wants us to ROUND with a purpose; he wants us to connect and ask meaningful questions; he wants us to take notes, log our interactions and report our results.

Just who the heck is this guy Bob Murphy? This is who he is… < http://www.studergroup.com/speakers/speaker.dot?inode=322886 >

Why am I telling you about another speaker rather than myself? It’s simple… he is A.W.E.S.O.M.E!

As I listened to Bob, it struck me… I had gotten lazy with my own working relationships.

Because I am naturally talented in the area of ROUNDING I had subconsciously fallen into the false belief that I didn’t need to concentrate on this aspect of relationship (and team) building. It would naturally take care of itself!

WRONG!

In listening to Bob I became very aware that this was a HUGE mistake. We all can understand how someone might subconsciously avoid something they are NOT GOOD AT… sort of an “All-or-Nothing Thinking” (Cognitive Distortion Alert!) “if I can’t do it well, I am not going to do it at all!” sort of logic. But to avoid something you are good at is simply… well, ridiculous!

IF YOU DENY YOUR OWN talent (skills)… you may end up DENYING YOUR TALENT (people)!

So… starting Monday I am going to implement a new “Closed Door” policy! I am going to hit the office door earlier than usual. I am going to open it; I am going to put down my laptop, my cell phone, my keys and my wallet and pick up a notepad… I am then going to leave my office and CLOSE my door. My “Closed Door” can protect and defend those assets… while I head out to ROUND, protect and DEFEND the real assets in my life and career.

Celebrating my TALENT is my new talent!

Thanks to Bob Murphy for opening my eyes and closing my door!

* * *

Lon is proud to announce “Defending the Caregiver!” in a new format as a one-man play, a Dramedy (dramatic-comedy), celebrating, “The Caregiver!”

NOW APPROVED BY THE ANCC FOR FOUR CREDIT HOURS.

To learn more visit: www.DefendingTheCaregiver.com

(COMING MAY 2010)

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“Baby, It’s Cold Outside”

lonkieffer — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 05:00:04 +0000

~~ Nullify the Obvious and enjoy your day regardless of the weather!

Just like in Frank Loesser’s 1944 duet, we often use the weather as a crutch.

We use the weather as a reason to NOT do something; or a reason to NOT feel something… we allow it to prevent us from being happy, or to actually make us sad; active or inactive.

One of my favorite quotes, because it is mine, is: “the weather is the weather!”

There is little to nothing we can do about the weather.

Many of us attempt to overcome things that upset us and get on with enjoying ourselves.

Some of us attempt to use DENIAL; just act like it doesn’t exist. But that is the fastest way to allow a road bump to become a true obstacle.

The better method is to NEGATE the obstacle; accept it, address it, adapt to it….but don’t let it change your direction.

When you NEGATE something; you nullify it, or cause it to be ineffective.

I woke up the other day and said to a friend who was a house guest… “Let’s go for a walk. What’s the weather like?

The answer, “baby, it’s cold outside!”

Well, of course it’s cold, it’s January… but what’s the weather like?

“It’s cold….”

“Yeah. So? The sun is shining, the skies are blue, the wind is gentle… let’s go for a walk. It won’t be warm until June, May if we’re lucky and I don’t want to wait that long.”

Negate the obvious… It is going to be cold in January… Negate it… When you negate something, you deal with it, SO that you can remove it from your conscious thoughts and you then, “Get Out of Bed and Go to Work!”

Here is how you NEGATE it… you wear warm clothing and you go for a walk!

DENIAL would be like going out into the cold without a coat and creating a self-fulfilling prophecy that your walk was a bad idea. Worse yet, the cousin of DENIAL is DEFEAT and you would accept DEFEAT and not even consider going for a walk because it is cold.

Let’s heat things up and elevate this thinking to a less simple example.

When you are sick or caring for a person that is sick and someone asks, “How are you doing?” You don’t say, “I am dying of a horrible, excruciating and inevitable death!”

Or when your business is in decline and struggling, you can’t say, “I am drowning in debt. I’ll be lucky to pay my mortgage by the end of the month!”

You might share these thoughts with yourself; but I doubt you would say them out loud!

Even if these things are true; I ask you. “How are you doing right now?”

Take your medications, eat right, exercise if you can, rest… and “Get Out of Bed and Go to Work!” If you are indeed dying, live now! You don’t have time to wait until June!

“Get Out of Bed and Go to Work!” with a positive attitude. If your business is struggling the only way out of a losing proposition is to work harder and happier than ever before!

NEGATE the obstacle and the negative thoughts…nullify them; two negatives DO make a positive.

NEGATE the negative don’t ACCEPT it through DENIAL or premature DEFEAT.

Thoughts are just things we say to ourselves…If you won’t say them out loud why would you repeat them to yourself?

I will give you once! That’s the filter… think it, say it to yourself, ONE TIME.

If you won’t say it out loud it should never be thought of again because thinking it is simply repeating it to yourself!

So, here is how it goes… “what’s the weather like?”

“Baby, it’s cold outside… You better get your coat and hat because we are going for a walk!”

* * *

Lon Kieffer is proud to announce “Defending the Caregiver!” in a new format as a one-man play, a Dramedy (dramatic-comedy), celebrating, “The Caregiver!”

NOW APPROVED BY THE ANCC FOR FOUR CREDIT HOURS.

To learn more visit: www.DefendingTheCaregiver.com

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Happy Holidays! Happy New Year!

lonkieffer — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 20:13:05 +0000

Lon and DOC aka, The Defender of Caregivers! are enjoying some time off this week and are wishing you and yours a Happy Holiday and Happy New Year!

* * *

Lon Kieffer is proud to announce “Defending the Caregiver!” in a new format as a one-man play, a Dramedy (dramatic-comedy), celebrating, “The Caregiver!”

NOW APPROVED BY THE ANCC FOR FOUR CREDIT HOURS.

To learn more visit: www.DefendingTheCaregiver.com

* * *

A Miracle at… Walmart?

lonkieffer — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 15:28:11 +0000

I was in line at Walmart and witnessed a Christmas Miracle:

In front of me was a rough-looking kid wearing an over-sized leather jacket and baggy pants; he had a “doo-rag” on his head and iPod ear pieces in his ears– you know the type. In front of my doo-rag wearing friend was a little old lady wearing a doo-rag of her own. A woman I would estimate to be in her early 70’s wearing a shower cap over some hair curlers– you know the type…

I couldn’t hear all that was going on but I gathered that she was late in preparing to have her family over for dinner; that she would never be caught dead in public like this but she needed some last minute things; on and on. The guy in front of me and directly behind her, heard none of this; but I could hear the thumping of his rap music leaking out and around his doo-rag.

Using my past experiences and preconceptions I was able to conclude both what was happening in front of the line with the little-old lady AND what was going on with my gang-banger friend directly in front of me in line.

This is when the problems started. That 70’s-something lady in front did not have cash with her and had only her checkbook; no wallet, no identification. The young pierced and tattooed, gum-chewing gal at the register (you know the type…) would not take her check without proper ID. I was late for an appointment and was growing impatient (you know the type….) and the doo-rag guy in front of me was oblivious as he be-bopped along rhythmically slapping his thighs and “rubber-necking” his head and shoulders.

Before I could even think or react it happened; there was nothing I could do!

The thug in front of me yanked the ear-plugs from under his doo-rag and in a voice louder than necessary (as though he had been listening to loud music- duhh!) spoke abruptly to the little-old lady in front of him saying, “Lady!” (I braced myself, ready to react but not knowing how or to what!) “You look honest; write the check out to me. I got this….” He then reached deep down into his baggy pants and pulled out his wallet from somewhere below his right knee and paid for that 70’s-something lady’s groceries with cash, and took her personal check.

It is so wonderful to know that no matter how they may look or sometimes act, this next generation (you know the type…); THEY’VE GOT OUR BACK!

* * *

Lon Kieffer is proud to announce “Defending the Caregiver!” in a new format as a one-man play, a Dramedy (dramatic-comedy), celebrating, “The Caregiver!”

NOW APPROVED BY THE ANCC FOR FOUR CREDIT HOURS.

To learn more visit: www.DefendingTheCaregiver.com

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Your Most Important Gift this Holiday!

lonkieffer — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 05:10:28 +0000

By Cliff Kuhn, M.D.
The Laugh Doctor
“It all starts with a SMILE” http://www.drcliffordkuhn.com/meet.htm

The holiday season presents us with a strange and unsettling
paradox. While we’re constantly bombarded with images of loving
families enjoying the holidays, more people commit suicide
during this season than at any other time. How do we reconcile
this (and how do we avoid it ourselves)?

I believe some of the depression is caused by the constant
reruns of bad Christmas specials. Do we really need to see
“Rudolph’s Shiny New Year” for the twelfth evening in a row?

Actually I believe those Christmas specials do play a role in
the depression. As do the commercials. And the retail
displays. You see, this is a time when we are overloaded with
images of how we’re “supposed” to feel - iconic images of loving
families gathering to share their common joy.

But, just as Victoria’s Secret models don’t really exist, but
are a creation of Madison Avenue, so too are those holiday
families. Advertisers know we buy more when we are unhappy
(that is a sad fact in the advertising business). It’s called
bait and switch. Advertisers have long employed a simple
formula - make you unhappy, then offer you the solution.

I’m not demonizing advertisers here! Nor blaming anyone for how
I (or anyone else) feels. I’m simply giving you permission to
free yourself from any unrealistic expectations you might be
tempted to place on yourself during these holidays. Everyone’s
family is ripe for uncomfortable moments! Heck, some of us
don’t have any “family” at all!

Take charge of your state of mind during these holidays! When
you see an unrealistic holiday image, smile and tell yourself,
“Good for them; although that’s not how my life looks, I love MY
LIFE thank you!” Use your humor nature and the ensuing
childlike spirit to find your fun wherever you are and on your
terms!

It’ll be the most important gift you receive this holiday!

Lon considered this article to be a gift in and of itself; and he wanted to share it here on his blog! Thanks to Cifford Kuhn, The Laugh Doctor!

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Lon Kieffer is proud to announce the re-launch and re-vitalization of an old program; ‘Defending the Caregiver!” in a new format. A one-man play, a Dramedy (comedic drama), celebrating, “The Caregiver!” To learn more visit: www.DefendingTheCaregiver.com

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You Can’t Touch This!

lonkieffer — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 19:16:58 +0000

The other day I was speaking with some colleagues who were stressed out and complaining.

They were upset because, despite having overcome some very significant obstacles and performed above and beyond expectations they’d been subjected to a cursory critique about the cleanliness of their workplace by an off-site manager.

“Isn’t it nice to know,” one of them said, “that in the end, all that matters is if my desk is clean?”

Now, apply your inherent perspective to this observation; if your base is sarcasm then this is a negative observation; if you are rooted in optimism this can be an epiphany like awareness that is positive.

The negative person is left with; “no matter what I do the cleanliness of my desk is what matters!”—and they can grow increasingly bitter because they feel unappreciated unless their desk is clean and feel belittled at the thought of gaining appreciation for cleaning a desk rather than doing good deeds.

The optimistic person is left with; “no matter what I do the cleanliness of my desk is what matters!” – and they can grow increasingly positive knowing that “if I clean my desk everyone is happy and they will leave me alone.”

There is a third scenario however, and that is the manipulative personality who quickly learns; “no matter what I do the cleanliness of my desk is what matters!” – and they clean their desk knowing they can get away with unsatisfactory performance so long as their desk remains clean.

The results are in:

The negative (complaining people) will continue to do everything but refuse to clean their desk and become more negative and more complaining.

The optimistic people will continue to do everything AND clean their desk and become more optimistic and more positive.

The manipulative people will continue to do nothing but keep their desk squeaky clean, get promoted and begin to make observations about the cleanliness of your desk.

So, nothing has changed accept a few desks got cleaned and one person got promoted to take the place of the person who originally started the whole vicious desk-cleaning cycle.

The bottom line is this; people are people and the desk doesn’t matter. It is just something to focus on.

When you are faced with people that have a negative attitude remember this: Other people can not make you mad… they can sure invite you to the party, but they truly can’t make you made.

Your attitude is YOUR CHOICE!

Think of it this way; “if their attitude can’t be fixed… then your attitude can’t be broken!”

In the immortal words of M.C. Hammer…“you (they) can’t touch this!” – and “this” is your attitude. YOU are in control of your attitude; They can’t touch it!

I would say more but my desk is kind of messy right now and in the end, that’s what really matters.

Right?

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